THE ULTIMATE VALENTINES

Last years valentine was a shameless bore, it was lackluster and bedridden staring at me straight in the eyes waiting for a reaction like it dared me to do my worse, I had been so frustrated that I walked out on it came back with a gun and shot it dead, wide eyed I killed it, cupid was stupid and didn't deserve a second chance, the long and short of it is this; I didn't have a Val date last year and while it may not have bothered me so much it did in some kind of way, when I got out to see couples holding hands, kissing and being all mushy like this single Lady wasn't sitting beside them at the cinema, across them at the eatery an right above them in the shopping mall, the same freaking pair everywhere i went in their washed up red shirts, such idiots....my consolation was the fact that they would be broke come 15th...I was not jealous though, I couldn't have been jealous, even though my horoscope for that day clearly stated "you will be jealous today" I wasn't!
So at the end of the day I stopped by at crunchies got myself a plate of rice garnished with beef, plantain and salad. I didn't forget to pick up a bottle of wine then made my way back to my house! I was overwhelmed to see a valentine present on my bed, I rushed for it and tore the sheets open, "what could it be, who is it from?" The tiny voice in my head repeated excitedly like a maniac, it was a new set of undies and I had bought it myself...I had a foresight what my day could have been like, sigh! what's greater than self love huh? So I spent the rest of the day eating my meal engrossed in vampires diaries...did you know Elena and Damon made some good love in season 5 smh!
This year's valentine although I can't say the same of, this year I was determined to have the valentines of a life time; be at the movies when others were and kiss when others did, didn't matter if I kissed a person or a thing! So I planned ahead of the valentine sending steady signals to this cute guy I liked in hopes that he would respond to which he eventually did! We got talking, one thing leading to the other he asked that I be his val date; I literally did a mental shoki for 15mins placing my hands incessantly on my eyelids for my haters to see and weep, I then explained to him that I wasn't exactly one for selective love display emphasizing that I believed love was expressed in the little acts daily and not  by matching coloured vest, good a thing he wasn't a valentines person either, so we agreed to have a Valentine's day with a theme "contempt to love" it was going to be the best val day ever, we felt like a match made in heaven!
Days hurried by and the said day did come, we were so excited that we wore matching vest, this day was going to be epic; we stacked our bags with straws, little folded pieces of papers and lots of sachet water! The plan was to ruin Valentine's day for all, so we set out at 6pm to play anti cupid minions.
Did we have a plan mapped out? Of course! We were going to throw spit balls and water at as many love birds as we could, we had been a bit skeptical at the consequences of our actions at first but whatever were we minions for? So we set out tossing sachets and sachets of water at lovers from the over-head bridge; laughing when possible, docking when needed and running almost every time. We even staged an engagement at the cinema, disrupting several people from their movies then laughed in their faces and ran out the door, the best part you may ask? The spit balls oh yes! This one was saved for the film house cinema, we walked in lovingly and went straight away to develop our strategy, pulling out all the equipments needed....this was the final and the toughest task of the day.
We took note of our major victims, douche bag with the red hat, I was sure this might have been his 5th or 6th date today so I marked him RED
Petite lady with the black dress, I just didn't like her weave so I marked her too, at the end of the day we had marked over seven target so we got right into it.
We tossed paper from our straws at different individuals then had to make serious faces when they turned around, we laughed at some, and shed tears of joy at some, this one guy was so furious that he got up and yelled at the 'mysterious' paper tossers, I ended up laughing so hard that my ribs still hurt.
Finally the last target for the day; Mr douche bag oh I had him planned, setting my straw carefully I was aiming for the nape of his neck, I adjusted my straw till I was certain the position was right, then I drew close setting my elbow perfectly, inhaling then exhaling I decided to take the shot but just then did an alarm ring so loud, its noise so upsetting that I staggered off my chair, at the time I opened my eyes I was lying weakly on my bed, I immediately grabbed the miserable thing called a phone that lay next to me bleeping it sadistic life away. I was just about to toss it when I checked the time "7:50am  Feb 14" I had just five minutes left to get ready for professor Essien's test, and my val experience you may ask? It was all a STUPID DREAM :(

PS: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" while you were all out with your lovers I hope you had a minute to thank God for his love and grace in your life, and in the lives of the ones you love...GOD remains the ultimate love! Have a blessed week ahead!