PILLS TO HEALS

Spare me a minute of your time

I have suffered depression, not once not twice not thrice but a multiple times have I been a slave to this ILL natured thing called depression, the thing about depression is its strong enslaving grip; it doesn't let a man go at least not easily.
While I suffered depression the past few years I endangered my life doing things I should never have done I felt a huge vacuum in my world and nothing filled it right so I stuffed it with all the wrong things seeking comfort from each of them as they left me addicted to their misery while they stayed ruining the little that was left of me.

I cried miserably day in day out though I was hurt by no one, I was never going to be perfect, I was never going to be good enough why then do I try? I please the best of the world but my gestures fall on deaf ears, why then do I try
Truth is I had contemplated that thing called suicide, I had been mentally abused and needed to get out of the torture one way or the other, so I had thought hard about a way to make it work, by strings, needles, or pills? I needed to end it and I was going to. The day came when everyone had gone on their daily biz, left alone I was ready for it, I wasn't scared of the hurt that came with it I couldn't hurt myself more than I already had.

Depression is not a joke, its an unconscious state of negativity towards oneself, it generates a lust for abuse and pain to oneself, it shatters a whole soul and leaves happiness dampened, it literally took the grace of God to deliver me from myself, from demons created by me as a result of the communication with others and I am certain that there are lots of people who feel the need to end their lives, who feel empty to hope, dejected and lost maybe due to the financial, mental, or spiritual circumstances they face, but whatever the case may be that has left you in such state understand this your life is a testimony of grace.
Trials must come, challenges must strike but you are strong enough, don't let go of those hands that hold you, drop those pills, loosen those ropes and think about all the beautiful people that would want you around, also know there are millions of people in your state right now and you owe it to them to be strong enough so they too can stand off your strength.
God loves you, I do too...suicide is not an option and depression is not a master. #pillstoheals

Thanks to everyone who bothers to read my write up, you guys make me better!

HOW IT ALL STARTED WITH BISIOLA

Bisiola pounded heavily on the mortar making sure to rid her face of trickling sweats at intervals, she had to make sure she got the best pounded yam hands could make, its not everyday one had a visitor like brother Sikiru.
Bisi like she was fondly called was a dark skinned beauty, curved at the right proportion and in strategic places, her oval faced shaped accommodated her tiny brown eyes, pointed nose and beautiful dimples that reopened with her contagious laughter which usually showcased her perfect  dentition, Bisiola was indeed a work of art, one could tell by the rythmic movement her waist produce whenever she walked down the road.

Hailing from a small village in Ogun state, a place she has happened to live all twenty one years of her life, the villagers could not but wonder how a short staggering, frumpy looking man who always had white hairs nibbling out his ill constructed nose placed carelessly on his mal shaped head and an ugly short obese dirty looking woman with a mole the size of her pinky toe hanging down her face could conceive such a child.
Rumour had it once that bisi had been adopted at a faraway orphanage in Ibadan when her parents couldn't conceive after 15 years of marriage, it was true although that Bisi's parent had gone on a long vacation in the said city and came back with a child but no one really knew the background story.
She hurriedly opened the pot checking the simmering soup to see if was done, brother Sikiru was going to be here in a few hours and she had over a million things to be elated about.
The truth is she had over heard her parents while they spoke about the aim of his visit, Sikiru was Baba Ade's son and he had come a long way with the family due to the pleasant  friendship between his father and Bisi's. Baba Ade and Bisi's father usually sat over kegs of palm wine after a hard days job in the compound and laughed at as many inside jokes as possible, they would then move to politics questioning certain actions by the government but not leaving the super eagles behind, once in their conversation baba Ade had passively made comments about the youngsters Sikiru and Bisi and how he wouldn't mind the family friendship turning into a reunion and ever since then Bisi's mother had been referred to as in law whenever the two men sat over kegs of palm wine and bush meat.
The long cliché is now gone as Sikiru had moved to the city to stay with his aunty at the age of ten but now he was coming back and he was coming for her, she over heard her father say so! He talked about how Sikiru thought the village limiting to a grown woman like Bisi and indeed he was right Bisi had major flaws that she might not have had if she were to be born in the city, she still had a bit of a pronunciation problem, a lingering accent, and some uncivilized behaviours, thoughts and attitude toward life,  though she was physically beautiful it would take a lot of work to get Bisi to a well polished standard.

The loud laughter of her mother from their tiny house shook her imaginations back to reality, she sees the coal beneath the pot is almost gone but does nothing about this, rather she stares blankly in the air anticipating her trip to Lagos, the day dream of a new life consuming her every thought. She was going to the city!

DIARY OF A STUDENT (MY CYBER CAFE EXPERIENCE)

When I'm told that people visit the cyber Cafe, I'm usually left in a state of bewilderment for the next two to three seconds after I'm hit the news, cyber cafe bawo? What exactly are you looking for in a cafe? In this modern age when even the babies in the womb are using Google earth to know their location. Is it Facebook abi twitter that you visit the cafe for? All these and more are the thoughts that foolishly gallivant my mind.

I don't have a laptop, in my year two my laptop got stolen by a group of nit wits who were dropped on their heads at birth, I was at night class that day, ( I no know who send me carry laptop go night class) when the bunch of hoodlums invaded the atmosphere with their body odour and extremely blunt cutlass, you could tell from the way they carelessly let it caress their bodies. These guys collected everything, phones, wrist watches and what not. Finally when the king Kong of the group got to me, the one who won't stop bragging about how he would cut someone's head before he left the hall, he looked at me hysterically and burst into a wild laughter
"Laptop for night class? You sef na wa" he said snatching the gadget from the table while I emptied my bladder in fear and shock.
I had gone home smelling that day, and that happens to be the sorry tale of my laptop.

Its been a while since my laptop bid its goodbye, I can't say I didn't feel its absence but like timaya would say "life anagaga" so my life went on without it. Couple of times I had stumbled upon thoughts to buy a new one but shuddered at it basically because I couldn't imagine the possibility of raising eighty thousand naira to buy a new one, where will I start from? My father will not even answer me, neither will my mum sigh. So I succeeded in going through my education without a laptop with assurance that I would get one by final year but along the way I would be in urgent need of a system.

And finally the day came when I had a project that was due for submission in less than four hours. I would like to state clearly that but for my nonchalant attitude towards things that mattered and my disturbing habit of procrastinating things could have been different.

That morning I got up like an animal on heat, truth is I could barely sleep, sleep how? When I had been dreaming about the project....I had failed to submit it almost two million times in my dreams and the last dream put me in a frenzy, I quickly jumped out of my bed my cloths soaked from sweat, I hopped into the bath tub and got ready for the day.

After much running around I found a cafe "thank you Lord" I walked in and requested for time to type out my project, brothers and sisters I should have known this was a trap from the pit of hell right from the onset when the guy bent his gen before turning it on but no, I disregarded this and sat on to do my work. At exactly thirty minutes into my work the bent gen begin giving signals of shutting down as its tempo rose and dimmed, oga cafe quickly turned to me stating that I saved my work which I did faster than the speed of light and just then did the gen fade into oblivion.

I kept my calm after all I had gone more than half way into my work and was left with about only two pages, all he would have to do is turn some fuel into the gen to get it working. After one minute of scrutinizing the gen even when we both knew why it shut down, the scruffy looking oga cafe walked up to me and requested I paid him.

"Pay you? What for?"
"So I go fit buy fuel put for gen"
I gave him a hundred and fifty naira which was the cost for one hour, wondering how much fuel he was going to get at that price as he walked away with his gallon.
Twenty minutes in and cafe boy was nowhere to be found, I kept my cool and waited reminding myself it was about two pages left. At a point I even accused the devil of filling my mind with negative thoughts casting and binding them in their numbers as they came. Almost forty minutes later, the cafe guy strolled in and emptied the content of his gallon, we were then stuck with the battle of turning on the gen as he pulled and pulled and pulled to no avail, he went to the extent of calling people who pulled with him and eventually the gen came on.

I had marked this place even if death had me dragged by its claws, I would never come here but for now I must do the needful. The systems were back on, I located my saved document and continued the race, before I could say jack the systems were off, "NEPA don bring light" he said apologizing for changing over the lines without informing me but as soon as the gen went off so did the lights.

Jesus" I shouted at the peak of my voice, well you guessed right, the pulling started again this time with even his village heads coming to pull the gen, I left my house by 9am and it was already 3pm, but I was left with two pages so I sat still till one guy from nowhere pulled the gen to life, oshey.  The lights were back on finally and the system had booted, I located my document but to my utmost surprise it won't open, I tried every means possible but it wouldn't open.
I called the cafe boy and laid my complaints, after twenty minutes of trying he apologized to me and explained that my file had been corrupted and couldn't open.
 "What then should I do?" I asked at the point of tears
"Type again, you won't pay for time" he responded
I sat blank for few seconds staring at the desktop while I bit my tongue hard to avoid tears, as I placed my hand on the keyboards to start afresh, the gen went into its epileptic rhythm till it finally died away, I looked to him questioning his next move for which he responded "you fit bring money make I buy fuel?" I slouched into my chair and begun to cry, the clock just ticked 5pm.

BISIOLA

"Brother siki what is shop rice" Bisola asked chewing carelessly on a piece of chicken Sikiru had brought back last night, Sikiru had intended eating that Chicken for breakfast but had been so disappointed when he walked up to the refrigerator that morning with his intestines almost pulling out and his stomach forming a male band only to find that his breakfast was gone, after few minutes of what seemed like a war of words he heaved a heavy sigh and decided to let it go, he's a responsible man and the neighbours knew that, he wouldn't make a village girl change their perspective.

So the duo sat on the expensive leather couch in the well furnished living room watching the plasma TV that now hung on the wall with Bisiola lacking hesitation to burst out into loud embarrassing laughter at certain intervals, whatever could be so funny about "Nat Geo Wild" he had intentionally put this station to rid himself of her presence but rather she got butt stuck watching it with intense interest and requesting that he doesn't change it, he was irritated by her and this was his father's fault, his father had imposed it upon him to take Bisiola to the city calling him everyday and leaving back comments like "remember baba Bisi raised money for you to go to the city 14 years ago" and after much persuasion he heeded to his father's plea, although it came as a big surprise when everyone back home were of the notion that this was his entirely his  decision.
"Brother siki didn't you hear me, what is shop rice" Bisiola repeated not minding the heavy crumbs that fell on the leather chair each time her mouth opened, the leather chair! If only she knew the struggle behind it, how he starved day in and out almost looking like a HIV patient all in hopes to save up his salary and rid his living room of the plastic chairs that had become a mockery, indeed the chairs were shameful and Emma always took pleasure in reminding him.
"O boy the chair never break finish" "two years and counting this chair still dey" these and many more were the irritating comments he received before he took a stance only for the head chaperon of pigdom to spill her guts all over it.
"Brother siki.... "
"Don't call me that" Sikiru retorted sharply trying as hard as possible not to raise his voice, "I have told you to call me Seen, have I not"
"But everyone at home, they are calling you siki"
"Are we at home?"
"No"
"Then don't call me that" he replied fiercely, ending the conversation as he picked his cup of tea and made way to his room, this in fact was the beginning of his worries he was going to try hard not to kill Bisi before the end of the week, a few bruises although could be guaranteed.


It was exactly twelve minutes past four and sikiru was still stuck at home due to the two days public holiday that would eventually elapse into the weekend, he fiddled with his phone on the comfort of his bed in his private room, he had now managed to get all possible thoughts of Bisiola out of his head as he laughed slightly at the Jokes posted on one of his favourite blogs yet.

He hears the sound of the living room door open and wonders what Bisi could be up to this time, just when he had managed to rid his thoughts of her, come to think of it hadn't he warned sternly that she stayed put in the house and left only when he permitted or commanded? Yet to be done with his imaginations his door pops wide open.
"Are you mad?" He exclaims looking up to see Emma at the other end of the room, the two men burst into sudden laughter.
"SK, Seun my man" Emma hails
"Guy, how e dey"
"You suppose tell me, who dey mad?"
"You never see her?"
"The black sisi? True true your papa give you wife?"
The both men laugh again while Sikiru begins to narrate his horrible chicken experience and the fact that his couch will never be the same, he even goes on to talk about "shop rice" unknown to him Emma intends to be his undoing for the day.

A SCENE FROM MY SCRIPT, LIKE?

Copyright Ghostwriters © 2015

INT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Demetry cuddled aroung Dotun while they both stare unattentively at the television set, the tv makes indistinct chatter as a man cracks away uneccesray jokes that doesnt catch the attention of either of them.

Dotun adjust himself for a second, forcing Demetry to follow suit, worry is etched over his face as silence continues to ravage the room.

Dotun relieves himself from his slouching position sitting upward and adjusting Demetry's head carefully on his lap, Demetry rises forcibly.Dotun stares boldly in her eyes, she returns the gaze.

                                                                                              DOTUN
                                                                                         Marry Me
Demetry widens her eyes in awe with a questioning look, Beat.

                                                                                               DOTUN (CONT'D)
                                                                                           Marry me?

                                                                                               DEMETRY
                                                                                           Why?
Dotun takes her hand drawing her closer to him, he elevates her chin so their eyes meet but with more sincerity this time, he pushes a gulp down his throat.
                 
                                                                                              DOTUN
                                                                                           Marry me because....
           
                                                                                                                                                                                           
                                         
                                                                                                                                    CUT TO:
EXT - TRAFFIC - DAY
The road is packed in all ways possible, cars ill-arranged as a result of hasty driving. A traffic officer tries earnestly to lessen the traffic. Loud irritating sounds of horn follow each other incessantly.

A man in a picanto sticks his head out yelling to the honda right in front of him. Two men dressed officially at the far front get into a heated argument. Camera pans around the road and stops on a prado stuck in the traffic, push through glass its Demetry and Dotun.

                                                                                                                                                                                                 
                                                                                                                                   CUT TO:
INT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
                     
                                                                                               DOTUN
                                                                   You are the best thing that happened to me

Dotun plants a kiss on her forehead, camera shifts to tv, we see the man still chanting.

EXT - ROAD -
Dotun steps out of his car, his neatly polished shoe glittering in the sun, he positions his collar rightly then blows a sharp deafening whistle.

                                                                                                                                   CUT TO:
INT - ROOM - NIGHT
The room is in partial darkness, the blue bulb lit by the corner doesn't do much of enhancement to its view, a tiny table can be seen at the edge and right above it a counterfeit Monalisa portrait.

The camera moves through the darkness to the bed where loud moans protrude from, no faces seen...the loud sound of a cloth being ripped engages the room as a lady moans loudly.

                                                                                                                                   CUT TO:
               
                                         

THE ULTIMATE VALENTINES

Last years valentine was a shameless bore, it was lackluster and bedridden staring at me straight in the eyes waiting for a reaction like it dared me to do my worse, I had been so frustrated that I walked out on it came back with a gun and shot it dead, wide eyed I killed it, cupid was stupid and didn't deserve a second chance, the long and short of it is this; I didn't have a Val date last year and while it may not have bothered me so much it did in some kind of way, when I got out to see couples holding hands, kissing and being all mushy like this single Lady wasn't sitting beside them at the cinema, across them at the eatery an right above them in the shopping mall, the same freaking pair everywhere i went in their washed up red shirts, such idiots....my consolation was the fact that they would be broke come 15th...I was not jealous though, I couldn't have been jealous, even though my horoscope for that day clearly stated "you will be jealous today" I wasn't!
So at the end of the day I stopped by at crunchies got myself a plate of rice garnished with beef, plantain and salad. I didn't forget to pick up a bottle of wine then made my way back to my house! I was overwhelmed to see a valentine present on my bed, I rushed for it and tore the sheets open, "what could it be, who is it from?" The tiny voice in my head repeated excitedly like a maniac, it was a new set of undies and I had bought it myself...I had a foresight what my day could have been like, sigh! what's greater than self love huh? So I spent the rest of the day eating my meal engrossed in vampires diaries...did you know Elena and Damon made some good love in season 5 smh!
This year's valentine although I can't say the same of, this year I was determined to have the valentines of a life time; be at the movies when others were and kiss when others did, didn't matter if I kissed a person or a thing! So I planned ahead of the valentine sending steady signals to this cute guy I liked in hopes that he would respond to which he eventually did! We got talking, one thing leading to the other he asked that I be his val date; I literally did a mental shoki for 15mins placing my hands incessantly on my eyelids for my haters to see and weep, I then explained to him that I wasn't exactly one for selective love display emphasizing that I believed love was expressed in the little acts daily and not  by matching coloured vest, good a thing he wasn't a valentines person either, so we agreed to have a Valentine's day with a theme "contempt to love" it was going to be the best val day ever, we felt like a match made in heaven!
Days hurried by and the said day did come, we were so excited that we wore matching vest, this day was going to be epic; we stacked our bags with straws, little folded pieces of papers and lots of sachet water! The plan was to ruin Valentine's day for all, so we set out at 6pm to play anti cupid minions.
Did we have a plan mapped out? Of course! We were going to throw spit balls and water at as many love birds as we could, we had been a bit skeptical at the consequences of our actions at first but whatever were we minions for? So we set out tossing sachets and sachets of water at lovers from the over-head bridge; laughing when possible, docking when needed and running almost every time. We even staged an engagement at the cinema, disrupting several people from their movies then laughed in their faces and ran out the door, the best part you may ask? The spit balls oh yes! This one was saved for the film house cinema, we walked in lovingly and went straight away to develop our strategy, pulling out all the equipments needed....this was the final and the toughest task of the day.
We took note of our major victims, douche bag with the red hat, I was sure this might have been his 5th or 6th date today so I marked him RED
Petite lady with the black dress, I just didn't like her weave so I marked her too, at the end of the day we had marked over seven target so we got right into it.
We tossed paper from our straws at different individuals then had to make serious faces when they turned around, we laughed at some, and shed tears of joy at some, this one guy was so furious that he got up and yelled at the 'mysterious' paper tossers, I ended up laughing so hard that my ribs still hurt.
Finally the last target for the day; Mr douche bag oh I had him planned, setting my straw carefully I was aiming for the nape of his neck, I adjusted my straw till I was certain the position was right, then I drew close setting my elbow perfectly, inhaling then exhaling I decided to take the shot but just then did an alarm ring so loud, its noise so upsetting that I staggered off my chair, at the time I opened my eyes I was lying weakly on my bed, I immediately grabbed the miserable thing called a phone that lay next to me bleeping it sadistic life away. I was just about to toss it when I checked the time "7:50am  Feb 14" I had just five minutes left to get ready for professor Essien's test, and my val experience you may ask? It was all a STUPID DREAM :(

PS: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" while you were all out with your lovers I hope you had a minute to thank God for his love and grace in your life, and in the lives of the ones you love...GOD remains the ultimate love! Have a blessed week ahead!

SHAVE THE BEARD

Ugh! How I hate to have to do this because I happen to be a lover of the facial hair. As a lady, I love the tingling feeling it exerts when it rubs against my skin, sending numerous pleasant vibes down my spine, these feeling I must confess are extremely exhilarating...can I get an amen? Jeez let me just tell you how I fell in love with the beards already ahhhh.
I fell in love with the beards one random day, I can't be precise as I don't recall what day it might have been but was it a romance, lust, infatuation, or just side attraction I wasn't necessarily sure. In times past I did have a boyfriend who kept a bit of the facial hair, every now and then I would rub my hands against it and feel the roughness and that was just about it, there was nothing sensual attached to his facial hair, nothing! But for this said day the reverse happened to be the case and with the last person I had expected should I say.
I had been ill earlier that day, malaria had me down tightly knitted to the ground with twines that burned mercilessly and after incessant pleas that fell on deaf ear, it finally decided to relieve me of my pains just a little bit. I wasn't going to be at work, this was the perfect excuse, I mentally danced etighi in my head wishing I was perfectly fit to do a real live version but just when I was about to transcend into atilogu I remembered my project at work which was due and needed me to append a signature lest my pocket pay the price; this evil called life.
I immediately hurried to the bath and took a shower, racing into my cloths and shoes I appeared at the office (malaria after all wasn't so strong when money was involved) as soon I got to the office I got my gloomy face on making sure to send a signal to everyone that I was sick, I didn't want to have to be asked to help with anything. So I got out the documents signed them and went straight to my boss's office to submit them, it was in a bid to submit them that I fell in love with the facial hair.
My boss happens to be a very kind man, I'm sure he would be the Ideal man to lots of women out there, he was charming, funny, caring, and genuinely nice; he never wanted anything in return for his act of kindness. That day he realised I was ill not just because I acted it, but because my body temperature had risen so high that you could feel it from a hand shake, so when I shook his hand he took time to question me? After much resistance (forming) I confessed that I was indeed sick, so he got me a drink and held me close in his arms so I won't fall...this was where it happened.
After I successfully gulped down a plastic of teem soda and felt so relieved, I thanked him countless times then got up to leave, as I was about standing, his face brushed slightly against mine and right there both my feet and ass got stuck to their position, the feeling was sharp, intoxicating and unique so I tried again and this time it was on purpose; I got up intentionally brushing my face against his hoping he doesn't notice, he didn't but the feeling left me begging for more and sadly there wouldn't be more, so we said our goodbyes and I got home wishing I would have  a man with some sexy and rough facial hair :( that type that almost pierces your skin when they have a light shave, that type was the truth!
Oh yes! I remember the essence of this write up now, please guys not everyone of you is meant to have beards, so if peradventure you are carrying a pile of dirt as disgusting as an unshaved two months old pubic hair, I suggest you take it down! I'm walking by the third person today whose face looks like an untidy vagina....see Most times its not the trend that matters, its you...and I'm tired of seeing dirty faces all in a bid to join the "trend".